I have had a number of people that have expressed disbelief that The Ardmoreite would actually let me do a blog. My friends have said to me, “Phillip you can’t write.” I simply shrug and respond with “Well, you can’t read.” On perhaps a related note, my research staff of Bubba and Billy Bob were unable to confirm or deny the rumor that the Ardmoreite and GateHouse Media have just increased their slander and liability policies by another 100 million dollars.
Authorities in Golden, Colorado are looking for a man suspected of stealing more than $2,600 worth of hair growth products, teeth whitening strips, weight-loss pills, probiotics and condoms. Hmm, if I were a detective I would think the perp wouldn’t be that hard to find. It has to be one of the politicians.
Speaking of criminals, if you read our local paper you no doubt read about the man that tried to rob a local store only to have the clerk pull a firearm on him. As the old saying goes, “Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.” A district attorney said one time, “We only catch the dumb ones.”
Remember, truth is stranger than fiction. I will close with a few great headlines from 2011:
Woman Missing Since She Got Lost
Scientists Plan Mission to Probe Uranus
Cops: Woman had 81 pounds of illegal junk in her trunk
5 stabbed at ‘welcome home from jail’ party
Couple lost in corn maze dials 911
Meatball sandwich horseplay leads to two deaths, family betrayal, two trials
Teenager charged with drink driving blames crash on boyfriend who didn’t take her to see new Twilight film’
France set to smash B.O. record
(it may have been better to spell out box office)
Sorry I lied. I leave you with one last thought. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme stuff, why didn’t he just buy dinner?