Hi! I'm Phillip and I'm a food hoarder and a penny pincher. It's been four days since my last food hoarding episode and over two weeks since I stopped traffic to pick up a two-cent aluminum can. I decided to clean out the meat drawer in the fridge. As many of you know, my frugality is legendary. I was almost physically sick when I started seeing all of the things I was throwing away. Let’s not even mention the two unopened summer sausages from Fischers Meat Market in Muenster, Texas, and yes I did call them to ask how long past the sell-by date that it was still safe to eat.
As I told you, I'm thrifty, but apparently my hoarding overcomes my desire to not see anything go to waste. Had I realized it was there, I would have just let it go to my waist. I did feel a little better when my wife told me that we got it for Christmas. Still though, that's ten bucks worth of fine cuisine. By the way, if you happen to be the one that got us the sausage for Christmas and want to get us something similar this year, please mark it "Attention Phillip" and I promise I will eat it in one sitting just to make up for it.
Truth be told, my wife is a bigger food hoarder than I am. She is just not to the acceptance part yet. We threw out five meal replacement drinks last night that were past the "use by" date. I told her I thought we had a few more in the storage. She blamed me for having them out-of-sight. She couldn't really explain how the ones in the fridge had managed to sneak by her. You know that's another sign of an addict, unwillingness to accept responsibility. She didn't want a bite of my onion ring at lunch yesterday, but somehow figured she would like it reheated at some future date. So she threw it in her take home box. I think that is hoarding. I was about to ask the gentleman next to us if he minded me taking his barbecue sandwich with us since he had hardly taken a bite and there is certainly no sense in letting that be thrown out. I said I was about to ask until I saw my wife with the LOOK. You husbands know the look, the one that will keep buzzards off of fresh road kill. We have only been married two years. How can she read my mind?