I started to write about a few different things today.
I was going to write about how sad it is that we have politicians, pundits and even Presidents who say things about how they wish they had some extra global warming because it is cold outside.
People who don't know the difference between the weather and the climate shouldn't talk about either one.
Sure, we have had the five warmest years in recorded history since 2014, but I didn't want to write about that. No one cares about climate change. I'll be dead long before Kevin Costner's Waterworld and Mel Gibson's Mad Max wasteland combine to form a post-apocalyptic reality.
I was going to write about how Oklahoma lawmakers still seem conflicted about accepting federal Medicare matching funds even as they watch a number of smaller rural hospitals close their doors or struggle to remain profitable.
But I didn't want to write about that. No one cares about rural hospitals.
I was going to write about the troubling number of political comments and letters to the editor that contain the phrase, "I am all for free speech, but..." That "but" is really problematic.
It is true that the First Amendment, so far, has prevented any of my opinions from causing me to be tossed me into a jail cell by angry officials. I hope I didn't just jinx myself like when Jim Nance jinxed New England's field goal kicker in the Super Bowl.
The great thing about the First Amendment is that doesn't force you to read my columns either. Some people like them.
Believe it or not, some people who disagree with me frequently still enjoy reading conflicting opinions. But if my political, religious and personal ramblings tend to cause you emotional distress, we do put my photo in each one to identify them. Just like all of the girls I wanted to date in high school, if you see my face, head somewhere else.
It works - at least it did for them.
You can read and enjoy every other item in the newspaper without reading my column. I want you to have that freedom. That's why I don't call your house and read them to you.
But I didn't want to talk about freedom of speech. No one cares about that.
Something I think people will care about is a new product that may revolutionize the workplace and possibly even our lives at home.
Often, people tout a great idea as being "outside the box" but if an English company has their way, you will start seeing your best ideas as coming from the box - specifically the Thought Box, which they make available to you for only about $650.
It sounds like a ripoff at first because a cardboard box with a helmet inside that is covered in black fabric isn't worth $650. When you consider that it comes with a free solid beechwood stool you soon realize that, yeah, it's still a ripoff.
Maybe it's worth it if your boss looks out in that open office arrangement that takes away your ability to focus and sees that you are willing to humiliate yourself by spending $650 for the privilege of wearing a cardboard box over your head for part of the day. Maybe then she will be impressed with your dedication and give you a promotion or a raise - or at least more "thinking" time to sit in your box.
Not since the advent of the Pet Rock in 1975 has anyone found a better way to make money. Pet rocks used to cost less than $5 and the "inventor" (I use quotation marks there because he didn't invent rocks, he just invented customers who would buy them) still got rich.
My only thought about the Thought Box is that if I get stuck in a dark box for more than a few minutes with nothing more than my thoughts to occupy my mind, I would be asleep.
Maybe the next million dollar idea is a Thought Box aftermarket accessory called the Post-thought Pillow, perfect for resting your brain after a tiring thinking session.
I better trademark that idea before they steal it.